Forget Gratitude. Let's Talk About Capacity For Resilience.

Let’s just say it: the past year has been A LOT. The world feels like it’s been spinning sideways, and just keeping your footing is exhausting.

Usually, this is the part where someone pops up chirping about “gratitude.” And look, gratitude is fine. But when you’re in the thick of it, being told to list things you’re grateful for feels… insufficient. Like putting a smiley-face sticker on a dam that’s about to burst.

We’re constantly told to be grateful for the good things, even while we’re just trying to endure the hard things. The pressure for toxic positivity ignores the sheer work it takes to manage all of it at the same time.

Gratitude Doesn’t Tell the Whole Story

Think about it. This last year for me involved health scares, job changes, and publishing a book in the middle of chaos. But it also involved buying a house, moving, and teaching at QuiltCon. All good things, right? Amazing things, even. But “gratitude” doesn’t capture the reality. It doesn’t acknowledge the exhaustion of navigating a C-suite-level job change while packing boxes. It doesn’t honor the grit it took to show up for QuiltCon while dealing with health stuff.

When we’re just supposed to be “grateful,” it dismisses the capacity it took to hold the good and the bad all at once.

The Power of "I Handled It"

That’s why something Maddie Kertay of The BadAss Quilters Society (@the_badass_quilter on Instagram) mentioned recently hit me hard. She talked about shifting the focus from just being grateful for what we have, to acknowledging and appreciating ourselves for what we’ve endured. For what we’ve handled.

So, what if we do that? What if, instead of forcing gratitude, we took a minute to appreciate our own damn capacity to handle things?

What Resilience Really Looks Like

This isn’t about pretending the hard stuff (personal or societal) isn’t hard. It’s about acknowledging that we are strong for navigating all of it.

Resilience is appreciating yourself for teaching that class, even when you were worried about other things. It’s appreciating that you kept it together during a move, even when the world felt unstable.

And this clarity applies externally, too. We’ve seen people and companies show us exactly who they are—ditching DEI initiatives, CEOs making their values known. That’s not just noise; it’s information. It gives us the power to change our buying habits, to align our money with our values.

We see neighbors in Chicago using simple plastic whistles as a tool for community safety and resistance. We see businesses like BadAss Quilters Society, My Cluck Hut, and Little Blue Cart showing us a different, more ethical way to operate.

That’s resilience, too—reclaiming agency. Remember, we’re all on Team Human.

Capacity Deserves Celebration

So forget the forced gratitude. Take a breath. Look at the full, messy, chaotic picture of the last year—the achievements, the struggles, the joy, and the exhaustion. You handled it. You’re still here.

Appreciate yourself for all of it. You’ve earned it.